Who I Wanted to Be vs. Who I’m Becoming

A reflective story on childhood dreams, identity, and becoming yourself~told through the journey of a Zimbabwean student finding real purpose.
Scholarz Gate Thought Thinkers, Cashier Doctor

Introduction

“Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)” ~ Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

When I was small I wanted to be a cashier.

My grandmother ~ practical, soft-voiced ~ tilted her head and asked, “Don’t you want to be a teacher? Or a pilot? Or maybe a doctor?”

“No,” I said, clutching my little pink plastic cash register. I wanted the uniform, the bright lipstick, the comforting ka-ching of the till. It felt clean and certain.

That tiny pink register lived on her shelf for a long time. Later at school, watching my mother’s friends ~ well-read, disciplined women who ran small businesses and taught ~ I started to want something “bigger.” The word doctor surfaced like a promise: respected, secure, important. But it also felt distant, expensive, and for other people.

Our lives hold small contradictions. The childhood cashier and the adult doctor live in the same person. Over time I learned that’s okay ~ it means you contain choices.

Fast-forward: I chose to try medicine. Not because someone forced me, but because an idea stuck ~ the part of me that wanted to fix things, to serve, to lean on science. I had A-levels, hustle, and a stubborn refusal to accept “you can’t.” I learned to make small, steady choices that add up.

The reality ~ no sugarcoating

  • Medicine is demanding. Long study hours, clinical placements, emotional labour.
  • It can be expensive. Time and resources are required, though local bursaries and work-study options exist.
  • It’s not the only valuable path in healthcare: clinical officers, nurses, biomedical scientists, and public-health roles matter deeply.

People don’t tell you often enough: you don’t have to be perfect before you start. You need direction and small repeatable actions.

Decision Point 1 ~ Do I truly want this?

If YES: commit to an identity shift ~ say to yourself, “I am someone preparing for medicine.” Identity change is powerful; it nudges daily actions.
If NO: honour it. Consider allied careers (nursing, clinical officer, public health). They’re meaningful, employable, and accessible.
If MAYBE: run a 3-month experiment: volunteer at a clinic, listen to a medical podcast, read a short bio of a clinician. Track how you feel each week.

Decision Point 2 ~ Academic prep (subjects & study)

Medicine needs a science foundation. For Zimbabwe A-level students:

  • Prioritise Biology and Chemistry. Physics is helpful but sometimes optional depending on the medical school.
  • Structure: 4 focused study sessions/week per science subject ~ 50 minutes, then a 10-minute break.
  • Past papers are your compass: do them timed, mark them, then review mistakes properly.

Scholar action: start a tiny habit ~ 5 minutes of active recall each morning for one month. Small momentum compounds.

Decision Point 3 ~ Practical experience & CV

  • Volunteer at your local clinic or hospital (4–8 hours/month) ~ it shows commitment and humility.
  • Collect recommendation letters from teachers, clinic supervisors, or community leaders.
  • Start a small health project: a sanitation drive, a health talk at church, or HIV-awareness sessions at school.

Decision Point 4 ~ Finance & applications

  • Research local bursaries early (University of Zimbabwe, trusts, NGOs). Apply widely ~ many judges prioritise commitment.
  • Consider work-study or freelancing to build income and transferable skills (tutoring, lab assistant, digital gigs).
  • For international study, plan 18–24 months ahead and target scholarships with rolling deadlines.

Decision Point 5 ~ If you want frameworks that actually change behaviour ~ read these

Instead of summarising habit books here, read the originals. Each offers practical, tested techniques you can use immediately:

  • Atomic Habits — James Clear
    Tiny changes compound. Focus on systems, not willpower.
  • Tiny Habits — BJ Fogg
    Start microscopic; learn how to design habits that actually stick.
  • The Power of Habit — Charles Duhigg
    Understand habit loops (cue → routine → reward) and how to rewrite them.
  • Deep Work — Cal Newport
    Build distraction-free focus blocks — essential for mastering tough science material.
  • Mindset — Carol S. Dweck
    Cultivate a growth mindset: failure is data, not destiny.
  • Grit — Angela Duckworth
    Sustained passion and perseverance often matter more than raw talent.

Read one chapter and try the exercises. Pick one idea that resonates and apply it for 30 days — then measure what changes.

When the pressure hits (and it will)

  • Grounding: 5-minute breathing or a short walk.
  • Reframe: “I am not behind; I am on my training path.”
  • Accountability: Find a study partner or mentor. Two people are better than one.

My Promise To You

It is not going to be a walk in the park, you will struggle and you must endure. I failed a mock once and thought medicine wasn’t for me. I cried on my mother’s kitchen table in Mbare. Then I opened a notebook and wrote three tiny actions I could do daily. I did them. Months later I walked into a hospital ward on a volunteer day and felt how much this work lit me. It didn’t happen overnight. It happened because I chose small, repeatable habits over dramatic decisions.

Final practical checklist

  1. Choose 3 small daily study actions (5–50 minutes) and commit for 30 days.
  2. Volunteer once a month at your local clinic.
  3. Apply to at least 3 bursaries or scholarships this year.
  4. Make a 6-month identity plan: statement like “I am preparing for medicine” + 3 proof actions.
  5. Find one mentor/teacher who will give honest feedback.
  6. Read one chapter from Atomic Habits or Tiny Habits and try one exercise for 30 days.
Copy share teaser

They tell you the path to medicine is rare. Maybe it is. But seeds grow where someone waters them. Start with tiny, consistent waterings. Whether you become a doctor, a public-health leader, or a fierce community clinician, the important part is not the title ~ it’s the life you choose to build, daily.